Men's Bathrooms and Sugar Shots

I just returned from a trip that our neighborhood took to Moab. It was so much fun, our neighborhood is so close, it's like we're all just a huge family. One of my next door neighbors and I can always talk together about anything, so we were up most nights until around two in the morning, one night we didn't get to bed until four. I originally intended not to post this, as it reveals many things about me, probably a little more than I would normally feel comfortable with, but this is such an important thing, I have to have other people realize that things like this can and need to be expressed. This is a little long, but it's good and needs to be written.

Emotions are usually either very clear and on-the-sleeve or subtle and hidden. One thing, however, is usually similar of emotions, regardless of what type. They all pierce the deep to the soul. Some hit nearer to the nerves, such as anger or panic, and some push on the heart, like pride and patriotism, but all will touch the mind or the soul, often both. The one emotion I want to discuss is the emotion of missing someone or something.

This is a complicated emotion to deal with. For me, it's always most prominent after leaving a locations where wonderful memories have been or were recently made, or after departing with someone close and dear to me or someone with whom I can connect. There is never simply one word to describe the feeling that occurs. Loneliness is not the right word. I know that I may come back to a place, and if not, there are better places meant to come. I know that I will meet again with these certain people, whether in this life or the next. Loneliness is too broad a term. The feeling is like a hole when I leave, a hole I know is irrational to feel, but still occurs every time, regardless of how hard I try to resist. The only thing I can to is measure the length and width of the hole. Through this I know how much that place or person affected me. Though I write this, and most people understand what feeling I'm covering, I notice, as some other deeper people may, that there is something missing. There is some other portion to missing someone that is hard to explain. It is similar to obsession, but not quite the same thing. You notice things about the place or person next time you meet, the things that make your heart pang as the distance between you increases. I know that something has deeply hit me when I feel it in my heart. People say that the heart is just an organ, all the emotions are experienced in the mind. I agree with this-to a point. I do believe the mind controls most of the emotions, but if I miss someone truly and deeply, I literally feel it in my heart. It is as if the hole has pulled a piece of my heart with it, a piece that belongs to that person now. I feel a physical twist in my chest, not like butterflies, but exactly like a portion of my heart and soul has been permanently given to a person to hold.

This is not at all the direction I was intending to take, but this feeling is so complicated, I almost have to let my mind to the talking for me. Missing someone is partially a hole, partially obsession, and partially Christlike love. If I truly miss someone, it is someone I honestly love, someone I earnestly pray will make it to the next life, someone I want to live with forever. Family, neighbors, and close select friends. It's curious to find the array of people that can grab my heart like this. Sometimes I wonder if one of these people that so connect with me is more than just coincidence, but fate. Perhaps I am meant to come to these people, and they are meant to find me, for whatever reason. Perhaps they will play a vital role in my life, a friend, a future family member, a loyal and friendly soul. Perhaps that is why I miss these particular people so fully and completely.