Change of Belief

I guess I'm really bored this summer or something, but Julia's teaching me colorguard. I think I've always had a little bit more respect for colorguard than most people (even band geeks) have for them, but after trying to do the things I've only watched them do before, I realize it's a lot harder than it looks. I've never had blisters on my hands before, only on my feet-until now. In the last week I've had three blisters magically appear on my hand after throwing all of those tosses. Anyway, I guess the message of this post is just kind of a "don't judge a book by it's cover" post. Just because the experienced people make things look easy doesn't mean they are. In fact, it's usually the opposite, they've just practiced forever.

And just for the record (and also for Eva), I can now throw a double on the flag, and kind of almost throw a double on rifle. I can do a lot on flag, just not parallels. I'm still afraid of them from the last time they attacked me.

Neglect/Rudeness?

Perchance I'm a little overly sensitive. Scratch that. Undoubtedly I'm a little overly sensitive, but perchance I'm oversensitive to others' feelings. For example, when others get in trouble or get their feelings hurt, I almost always feel so bad for them, like it's me that was hurt. I guess, just like a girl in another blog I just read, I'm a "people pleaser". I can't really feel happy unless the ones I care about feel happy. But I also feel like I'm oversensitive about other things as well.

The other day, I was talking to one of my best friends. I was talking to him about how I needed to tell one of our mutual friends (though a better friend on his side than mine) something specific to only him. Yeah, refer to my "Click" post, even though I doubt that will help anything. He then went and talked to said friend, and apparently he thought we (meaning he and I) weren't friends anymore. Sad day! I'll admit, I didn't really talk to him much/ever, but I still personally felt like we were good friends, but it was solely based on one really excellent conversation that we'd had-about two years ago. Honestly, I haven't really talked to him much since then. I guess I shouldn't be that surprised with his opinion, but it makes me disappointed that I thought one way and he the other. Hopefully you understood all/any of that.

I think what makes it more saddening to me is that I don't want anyone to feel like I have "dis-friended" them, just because, again, in elementary school, I didn't have very many friends at all, I and I don't ever want anyone to feel like I'm ignoring them or am not their friend. So I guess, in short, this is a partial apology to that child, and anyone else out there who has ever felt I don't care about them, or even if you're just a normal friend. I promise it's not true. If you're my friend (ever), I'll always consider you my friend, no matter what happens between us. Just know that.

Belonging

I don't think there could be a more appropriate word for how I'm feeling right now. There's the longing part, which I have been feeling especially recently, and it's sort of a longing to be, partially to be with people, and partially to be able to be myself.

My job is okay, I guess. It gets me money and things, I just hate how much it seems to cut into my time. I'm sure it really isn't as much as I think it is, but when one has to get up at 6AM for work in the summer...well, that's not the first thing on my to-do list. I'd much rather spend time with friends and family, those I love. The only thing is, if I didn't have a job, I know that wouldn't happen. I'd just sit around the house all day wondering what to do...so maybe I'm glad I have a job, just because the amount of time I have decreased, so I have more initiative to get together with people when I can.

Wow...that had nothing at all to do with what I was going for. Oh, well. Essentially, what bugs me is the little differences that people when you are hanging out with them one-on-one versus when they are all in a group. It bugs me. Why can't people just act the same both ways? Also, I really wish that I could be in a really good friend group. I have plenty of friends, and many of them I would term best friends, but now, they all seem to have their own (not necessarily exclusive, but more...specific, if that makes sense) groups of friends that they get along really well with, and it seems like I don't have one of these myself. I'm probably just drawing too strong of connections between people I don't really know and minimizing connections with people I do, but I wouldn't be surprised if that came from my childhood. I don't remember ever having a friend group that I'd hang out with in elementary school. Usually I was alone. Maybe the combinations of these things is why one of my greatest fears is being completely alone.

...

Yesterday was an excellent day. Unexpected, indeed. But it was a good unexpected-a very good one. Michael Dressman is very happy now.

Music

This should make some of you laugh, even though it's exceedingly short. I was listening to Pandora at work today, and enjoying my soundtrack station...and then Rhapsody in Blue came on. I just cried a little bit I was so excited. Seriously.

I also heard some Star Trek music (I love Star Trek), which 1) Made me want to watch First Contact, and 2) Made me miss Curtis. This is okay, though. He's in the right place.

I love music.

Congraduation!

Yesterday I attended my younger brother's high school graduation ceremony. It's only been a year since mine, but it brought back very good memories. And after thinking about it last night, I decided to give congratulations, excellent jobs, and thank you-s to all those who performed, all those who spoke, all those who graduated, and all who helped us get there.

First of all, congratulations, Dallin Dressman! You are an incredibly intelligent boy, and it made me so proud to see you sitting up there in the top thirty. I'm happy to have you as my brother, and you will do wonders for the world with your brilliant mind. As long as you stick to what you know and continue to learn, I believe there will be no end to what you can do. I love you and and so grateful that God has given me such a wonderful brother to live with, through laughs and through arguments, I know that you'll be with me forever, and I couldn't ask for a more wonderful gift.

Secondly, congratulations to my cousin, Kellie Neilsen. I love you and I know we'll both miss each other terribly when you leave for college and I on my mission. You have such a bright and outgoing personality, and you will change so many other peoples' lives with that attitude. This personality will also help you in any field you decide to go into.Don't give that up for anything. Also, don't compromise your standards for anything, not that I'm saying you will, just to keep that in mind.
Plus also, to some other select graduates. Kevin (the butt!!) Carter! I cheered when I saw you. You have such a strong personality, and I would advise you never to give that up. It's the biggest thing that makes you you. Don't ever stop being yourself. Kylie Moe! Hooray! I saw you down there, and you have the brighest and sunniest attitude, it makes anyone smile. Don't ever stop lifting people up, that's what you do. Celeste Sweeney! See, I told you you'd make it. Through thick and thin, you've still made it through-even to prom. The world is ahead of you now, but don't let it frighten you or make you nervous. Instead, frighten the world with how wonderful you are. I know you can. James Graham! It's over! Now you can get on with your life. You have a very sympathetic nature, from what I can tell. Don't be so afraid to share that with other people. It's not common in most guys, but it's a good thing that you have. Nathan (Tee) Merrill! You made it! Don't worry about college, it's much better than you think. One thing...share yourself with people. It's okay to be antisocial sometimes, but not always. The thing is, if you keep yourself away from others, you're being selfish by not showing them one of the brightest personalities they may ever find. Make new friends. You change people (for the better), and I don't think you realize the extent to which you do that.

To all the graduates from our ward, along with my brother, I'd just like to mention by name. Congratulations Ryan Lopez, Lauren Miner, Mary Dalrymple, Brittany Knapp, Britanny Southworth, Lauren Giles, Jordan Dastrup, Jill Jensen, Montana Newman, Katie Roberts, and (hopefully not) any others that I forgot.
To all above and all the other graduates, a large congratulations! You've made it, and your real life is now ahead of you. As Chip Koop said, enjoy your hot chocolate! To Keenan Larsen and Nathaniel Pribil, excellent job with your graduation speeches. They were incredibly well-written, and I was moved.

To the choir and symphony orchestra, as well as the "Unwritten Singers" and Jordan Wilkinson-excellent job with all of your musical numbers, I always look forward to what Lone Peak has to perform musically. To Sam Bunderson, partially for at graduation, but mostly for the orchestra concert-incredible job! To be a sophomore and play what you are playing, and at the level you perform it, is simply astounding-especially to fellow pianists like myself. To Travis Howden, excellent job for actually showing up to the graduation ceremony, though that means I can't murder you. :) Oh, well.

And I'm sure this comes from Dallin and all the graduating seniors as well as myself, reminiscing from last year, thank you to all of the friends that helped us along the way. You were there for us when we were having a bad hair day, a bad grade day, or just a plain bad day. You were the ones we shared our secrets with, the ones we got in trouble with, and the ones we could just act stupid around and not have to worry about it.

To our teachers-sure, you gave us a bunch of grief with tests, grades, assignments, papers, projects, etc. I'm sure at least every one of you has had a student talk bad about you behind your back once in your life, but in all honesty, when we hit graduation, it doesn't matter how much we thought we hated you in class. We really do love you, and we'll give a cheer to you for all you've done to educate us, and even to those teachers we've never had. If we're lucky, we hope to have even taught you a thing or to. So thank you.

And of course, to our parents, who've raised us since birth, seen the best and the worst, we thank you. There's no way we could have done it without you. You nag us, you pester us, you bother us, but in the end, none of that is what teaches us. What teaches us is the examples that you provide for us, the silent deeds you don't know we're watching, and the love that you spread around that makes us want to follow your footsteps bravely into the big wide world.

So, in closing, congratulations Lone Peak class of '09, and look out world, here they come!

Oh, and also, congratulations to Dallin Brown, who received the loudest cheer that I heard out of everyone.

Dogs and Disabilities

So, granted this isn't that inspiring or anything, but I've noticed that dogs and people with disabilities always seem to get along really well, like they're working on the same wavelength. And honestly, it makes sense. Dogs always live in the moment, and forget any grudges or worries that they may have had even five or ten minutes ago. Now, I've never been around a disabled person long enough to know this, nor have I asked them, but I get the feeling it's the same way with them. I know this is short, but it just struck me like that...I dunno. Maybe we should try to be more like dogs, or people with disabilities (in a good way).

Mirrored

Oh, boy. Here I go. So for those of you who don't know this, I compose songs. And for the first time today (well...practically the first time) I recorded three of my songs-those songs all being ones in which I sing. Oh, dear. I'm sure almost everyone know what it's like to hear themselves over a tape or something. It almost always sounds weird-as did this, in my opinion. However, for some reason I decided I really like them...it kind of almost makes me sound professional...ish. Anyway, this was more for a journal-like sake than anything else. So if you care that much...whoopdeedoo for you. :)

"Spiders of Salem" Prologue

Okay...so I'm finally putting the prologue of "Spiders of Salem" on here. Comments, criticisms (constructive), questions, admirations, hate mail, all welcome in the comments section. Sorry it took me so long, it's just that I had to retype it all on here, because the copy and paste was being retarded. Well...not really, it just wouldn't cooperate in the same font...which drove me crazy-and it wouldn't tab...which also drove me crazy. But anyway...here you go.

Prologue

Why exactly we moved away from England, I don't think I'll ever entirely understand. When I ask Father, he says it is so he can start a tailoring business and gain financial freedom. When I ask Mother, she says it is so we can become free and safe from the evils of the world and practice religion the way we want. When I ask them both together, they say it is so I can go the the best school the world has to offer.

"But there are good schools in London." I say.

"Not good enough for our boy." my father chuckles, ruffling my hair. I edge away and go down to my room in the ship's cabins. I hate it when he does that. As I sit there, I think of all the other reasons my family might want me to go to Salem. Perhaps they like the atmosphere there, away from all the hustle and bustle. I don't imagine I will. I miss London so much, and it does not help that we are only thirty knots from the shore of America. The captain says we will make it there by morning. I discard that idea and move on to the next. Maybe it is because they want me to make more friends, newer friends, better friends. I disagree. I had plenty of comrades in London. Just because they didn't agree with the crowd I spent my time with doesn't mean they would move away from London-does it? No, my parents are not that impulsive. I throw this idea away, too. Suddenly, a startling thought occurs to me. What if Father isn't a tailor at all? What if he deals in under-the-table secret practices with villains and spies? What if Father isn't as dull as I thought?

"Perhaps that is why we are moving away!" I think. Father must have done something wrong; he must have slipped up with a deal or made a mistake with his calculations, and we must move away to evade the men who are after our family. I am thrilled with my new discovery. I am well aware that it is most likely untrue, but it is getting late, I am tired, and this idea is so entertaining to me, I don't particularly care to let it go. I decide this is why we are heading to Salem, fleeing from the spies of the night that are after my father for his secrets. And with that I sleep, pursuers and secrets schemes dancing with me in my dreams.

I am violently jolted awake, flung off my bed by the intensity of the storm that is raging outside. Father comes and grabs me. "Come Daniel, you must hurry. There isn't any time! We must leave now!" he says, referring to my attempt to grab my sack of belongings to take with me. I reluctantly ignore it and run upstairs to the deck closely following him. Up here in the rain, everything is chaos. People from our home country are running left and right, grabbing sons and daughters; the young adults that foolishly came to make a fortune in America are wailing, "Oh, Lord! Forgive me of my sins!"

I can only follow in disbelief as my father hurries me along. I hear of ships caught in storms often, but most make it out safely. Our ship is strong and hardy, isn't it? My father bids me to stay put, and I watch him go the the captain's helm, where he begins shouting a conversation with him, but over the pouring rain and jarring movements of the boat, I cannot hear a word either of them is saying. With horror, I suddenly realize what had been making me feel an unusual hole. My mother! Where was she, and why had Father not gotten her. Father again has my hand, dragging me down the length of the deck until we reach the small getaway vessels.

"Get in the boats, Daniel!" he yells.

"What about Mother?" I call furiously back. "Why didn't we get her?" He doesn't answer my question, but simply repeats his command. "Daniel, get in the boat now!"

Without warning, he suddenly pushes me in, and a strong burly man grabs me. "Hold him there. He mustn't leave." my father tells the man. I struggle to get loose, but I am much too young, and the man holding me is much too big. Father gives me one last loving look, and runs back towards the cabins. Relief and terror hit me at the exact same moment. He has gone to save Mother, but the danger is just as terrible for him. I worry about them both now, and I wish I could be up there to help. However, this strange man's grip on me has not loosened any, so I can only scream and yell, tears streaming down my face, praying that they will be all right.

Our boat is being lowered down, slowly, by captain's orders, so as to allow my parents a chance to jump in should they come out in time. Just as we pass below the deck's edge, Father swings over and lands in our boat. Shoving the strange man away, he grabs me in his arms, clutching me as if he is afraid for both of our lives. I choke out, "Where's Mother?"

I look up at him. His face is horror-stricken, as if he had just seen hell itself. Tears are pouring off of his face, drowning out even the rain. "She's not there," he moans. "We had to leave before I could find her." I can no longer contain myself. Our boat hits the water, but I don't even notice, I am praying so hard. I have never prayed so truly in my life. I pray to God that she will be saved, that she can come to us, that she won't leave our family like this. A man in the boat shouts, and everything goes silent around me. Finishing my prayer, I look up to the deck, and my heart leaps. My prayer has been answered.

My mother is standing there, her dress in shambles, torn all down both sides, praying fervently herself, overcome with the Spirit of God. She waves her entire body back and forth, flinging her arms up and down. It makes me think of Jesus in the Bible, when he calmed the storms, and I believe Mother is praying for the exact same thing. She looks down and recognizes me.

"Daniel!" she screams.

I yell back as loud as my small voice can muster, "Come down, Mother, come down!" Her look changes to one of sadness, and I can only see her shake her head dejectedly. "Mother, come down! You can still make it!" Mother continues to look down at me with the same sadness in her eyes as before, and then, taking off her necklace, she looks straight at me-and drops it. Our boat is too far away, I realize. I must have her necklace. Throwing caution to the wind, I dive off the boat, the people within realizing me just too late to respond, having all been hypnotized by my mother's saint-like piety. My father dives in after me, but I don't care. I am only focused on one thing-my mother's necklace. Somehow, I watch it fall against the side of the ship, and just in front of my eyes, it falls below the surface. I plunge down into the icy water. I must have that necklace! Groping blindly, I pray again to God for a miracle, pleading with him to let me have this one part of my mother, and miraculously, I feel the chain in my hand. Almost immediately after, I feel my father's firm grip around my waist. He pulls me up, both of us coughing and choking. We reach the boat, and the crewmen pull us up. We are farther away from the ship now than ever.

I watch my mother's silhouette standing there, alone on the boat, a Christ calming the sea.. I pray to God a final time, begging him to let my mother live. Lightning suddenly strikes the boat, cracking in clean in half, violently giving me my answer.With shock, I realize Mother will not be coming on the boat with us. I can no longer keep myself composed, and I dissolve into my father's arms, sobbing fiercely, clutching the miniature, metal crucifix in my small hands.

Back In Business

So...for the longest time (even though it really isn't, it just seems like it) I have had writer's block. I have tried every imaginable thing to get rid of it (mostly). However, it's finally gone! Hooray. I don't know exactly what it was, perhaps a combination of things. The only things that I can think of are 1) Possibly reading Chris's spill and getting inspiration from that, 2) Writing music 3) The Film Appreciation Club's Top Twenty-Five Movie Night, and/or 4) The length of time without writing (maybe I just needed a break). Anyway, I made a groundbreaking discovery about my story-mmm, good. So perhaps if we get lucky and Dressman actually is diligent in doing what he should, you readers may finally get the Prologue of "Spiders of Salem".

Movies

So everyone has their movie lists. Today I went to an event for a Film Appreciation Club (initially for the free food) which featured the clips from the president's top twenty-five favorite movies. Granted, some of them I wouldn't have chosen, but that's personal preference for you. It was just getting me thinking of how many movies I like, and how difficult it would be for me to compile a top ten, twenty, or even top fifty list. I'm pretty sure that's all.

Epiphany

So here's the deal. I've been reading this new series that one of my good friends has been pestering me for a good while to read. I'm really enjoying it (having already reached the halfway point in book five), and have just now decided that the author has a lot more insight than I previously thought, even if he does seem to write at a seventh-grade reading level. I would strongly encourage reading the series, especially to those who enjoy sci-fi/fantasy. It's called "Pendragon", and it's by author D.J. MacHale.Anyhow, the story revolves around the main character, a fifteen-year old boy, Bobby Pendragon. I won't go into too much detail, but he's the protagonist, and the antagonist is an evil "man", for lack of a better word, named Saint Dane. The main plot of the series is that Bobby is trying to save a bunch of different territories from falling into chaos, as Saint Dane would have happen. There are events and conditions that occur that can alone determine the outcome of the territory. They are referred to as "turning points".

Be aware this post isn't completely about the book. It's good, but in my English 2010 class today, I kind of subconsiously applied it to my life. By the by, I thouroughly enjoy my English class. The professor challenges the way I write in a way no one has before, as well as bringing things to my attention I had never before thought of. Right now we're working on writing proposal papers. These consist of finding a problem, the possible causes behind it, and recommending a solution.We're pretty early along in the process, so as of now we've just been finding problems. Personally, I'm planning on writing about the problem that most of our generation has right now of being so poorly informed, even though this generation has the most accessible information yet. As we were discussing all the different proposal ideas that the students had in class, I had an epiphany, if you will, relating to Pendragon. I think we as America, are reaching our turning point, and from the looks of it, we're not doing so hot. I get the feeling that America is turning in the wrong direction.

Anyway, I'll end this post with a semi-condradictive sentence. I decided I'm really worried about the direction that America is heading, and I'm really excited to write my proposal paper!

Hair

Yeah, I know...this is very odd. But I'm trying to become more of a real person now on blog. We'll see how that goes. Anyway, I'm thinking that I'd really like to dye my hair sometime...not necessarily soon, just sometime. The only problem is, I don't know what color I'd dye it. Black and brown are out, because brown is my hair color and black is close enough it wouldn't make a difference.

I know I want it to be a color that would stand out enough that people would be able to tell. For some reason, blond really stands out to me as a good color for that, however, I'm not sure how I feel about bleaching my hair-or how it would look. Basically, I'm asking for your opinion. Would I look good as a blond?...if not, what other color would you recommend? Plus also, any tips or hints would also be appreciated.

Parents

Okay, I love my parents. I really do, with all my heart. There are things I credit completely to my parents, things I would never have without them-life, for one, but food, a good upraising (probably wrong tense or word), and my religion. But it frustrates me so much when they just simply seem to have their own agenda and aren't willing to listen or consider mine. Is this selfish of me? Maybe...okay, probably yes-a lot. But oh, well. I've already started, so now I'm finishing. I come home from college on my Spring Break, hoping for a week of relaxation, and getting to do just what I want to do, not what needs to be done (Again, I'm aware that this is pretty selfish...but I'm allowed that every once in a while, aren't I?), so I wasn't exactly thrilled when my parents told me they were leaving to St. George and I get to babysit the younger siblings (oh, how endearing). But I'm pretty easygoing, so that didn't really bother me that much-what irked me was the plan that I had to visit the high school every day for lunch. PAUSE. I know what you're thinking. "That's so lame, visiting the high school, on your break nonetheless!?" Yeah, I'm well aware. I'm not visiting the high school for the school. I'm visiting it for the friends there. Anyway, Monday I find out there is no school, but whatever-I still have four school days. Tuesday and Wednesday go without trouble...only let's just say there was a certain...presence that was missing (a presence I had particularly hoped to see). "Oh, well," I think, "I still have all of Thursday and Friday." But no...
All of a sudden, my youngest sister decides to get sick with a fever, and of course I have to take care of her because my parents are gone and I conveniently am at home with "nothing" to do. Hence, I end up with the luck (ha! luck, my foot) of taking care of her while my parents are in St. George. Still, though, I wasn't that bugged, until I found out I could have no shindig-esque thing at my house. Don't get me wrong, I understand that it's a stretch for my parents to allow me to do it when I'm the oldest kid home, but for a college student that's hoping to have a break, but then to have to 1) babysit his sister for two days instead of going to school, 2) babysit his other siblings over the weekend (even if he is getting paid for it), and 3) not even see the person he's most looking forward to seeing. Although this is redundant, I'm well aware this is considerable selfish of me. I can't expect things to always go exactly the way I want them to, but at least give me a little leeway.

I'm not really sure to what end this post was headed to...maybe it wasn't. It may have been (quite possibly) just a rant-not on my parents, just on life. I've realized this now. I'm a hopeless romantic. I'll just have to get over that. And as a line is quoted from one of the deleted scenes in "Enchanted" (one of the many movies I watched multiple times with my sister), I may be just a "hopeless romantic trying to get by in a world where romance is hopeless." Oh, well. I'll just plod on. :D *Ultra-cheesy sarcastic smile*

P.S. The "endearing" part was sarcastic. I really wanted to add that in because the word endearing struck me and wouldn't stop screaming until I put in in here.

Plus also, hooray! I think I finally wrote a post that wasn't actually intended to be deep. Look, readers! I'm human!

Children's Eyes

I just watched "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown". I went into the theater in a...well, less than favorable mood, for reasons that will remain unnamed. Needless to say, as the play began, I was subconsciously thinking along the lines of "I dare you to make me enjoy this play." Hence, for around the first half hour, I had a very negative attitude towards the entire world...well, not the entire world, but everything around me at the time. However, there were some lines that hit me straight in the heart-namely a part in the musical when Lucy asks Linus "Give me one good reason why I should even stay on this planet!" after she finds out how crabby she is towards everyone, and Linus says "Because you have a little brother that loves you."

No worries, now I'm back to normal. I think I needed a "shock", for lack of a better word, to get me back to normal. I have been having...issues in my life that have been typical, but for personal reasons, which really aren't that good of reasons, I have been blowing these out of proportion. I needed this play to tell me that a child's life is the purest gift that we have. Simplicity and love are the main portions of this, and I formulated a quote that helped inspire me to try and live life more simply-more like a child. "Through the eyes of a child, life is made of joy, love, and magic-looks like we could all take a few lessons from them."

In closing, I hope that we can all try to live more childlike lives (note: childlike, not childish), and leave you with the last lines of the closing song in the musical. "Happiness is morning and evening, daytime and nighttime, too-for happiness is anything, and anywhere at all that's loved by you."