I don't think there could be a more appropriate word for how I'm feeling right now. There's the longing part, which I have been feeling especially recently, and it's sort of a longing to be, partially to be with people, and partially to be able to be myself.
My job is okay, I guess. It gets me money and things, I just hate how much it seems to cut into my time. I'm sure it really isn't as much as I think it is, but when one has to get up at 6AM for work in the summer...well, that's not the first thing on my to-do list. I'd much rather spend time with friends and family, those I love. The only thing is, if I didn't have a job, I know that wouldn't happen. I'd just sit around the house all day wondering what to do...so maybe I'm glad I have a job, just because the amount of time I have decreased, so I have more initiative to get together with people when I can.
Wow...that had nothing at all to do with what I was going for. Oh, well. Essentially, what bugs me is the little differences that people when you are hanging out with them one-on-one versus when they are all in a group. It bugs me. Why can't people just act the same both ways? Also, I really wish that I could be in a really good friend group. I have plenty of friends, and many of them I would term best friends, but now, they all seem to have their own (not necessarily exclusive, but more...specific, if that makes sense) groups of friends that they get along really well with, and it seems like I don't have one of these myself. I'm probably just drawing too strong of connections between people I don't really know and minimizing connections with people I do, but I wouldn't be surprised if that came from my childhood. I don't remember ever having a friend group that I'd hang out with in elementary school. Usually I was alone. Maybe the combinations of these things is why one of my greatest fears is being completely alone.
4 comments:
*cough* you wouldn't be talking about me, would you???
Um...I wasn't writing this with you in mind, if that's what you're asking. However, I guess it could apply to you a little bit, though.
Oh Michael! I miss you so much and I know, to an extent, what you mean. But I think that the reason people are different one on one versus in a group is because when you are alone with someone it can be a tad more intimate and you can share things and experiences that you can't normally share with a large group of people. Does that make sense?
PS We NEED to hang out! What are the chances of you being able to come to SLC?
Yeah, I know that to a point, people can't help being different alone and with others, but the thing that drives me crazy is when people treat others different in these situation. It's so immature when someone won't talk to me (or anyone, for that matter) just because they're with their group. Totally lame. And I have no idea when I can come and visit you...you're going to DCI, right? I'm planning on being there...
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