The Complexities of Conflagration

Last year, I was talking with a professor about the challenge of college - especially in the context of tutoring students who've just arrived at college. With each class assigning their own sets of reading, assignments, and tests for which to prepare, it can be difficult to manage what seems to be like a barrage of tasks that all seem to beg for attention at the same time. Organizing time to meet the varying deadlines can seem like an insurmountable task, especially when someone is a freshman who's not used to the sometimes rigorous schedule that college demands. I imagine the transition from an undergraduate degree to a graduate degree to be similar (and one that I feel I'm approaching all too soon). With so many things to do, it's easy to get in a rut and simply tackle what seems to be the most pressing issue. The phrase the professor used to describe all this was, "Sometimes it just feels like you're putting out the biggest fire first."

Personally, I don't feel like life is any different. In fact, if anything, life works on the same principle as my college example does, just on a much broader level - seeing as how life encompasses college/school (which is a series of fires in and of itself), as well as a number of other smaller branches (family, home, finance, etc.) that house their own series of fires - hence, conflagration.

That doesn't mean, however, that I'm drawing the conclusion that all of us are dealing with our own raging infernos. Just because each of these components of life has the possibility of creating its own series of fires doesn't mean it actually does. For example: kindergarten, roller coaster testing, and organizing a camping trip hardly warrant more than candles, if you ask me. ;)

The point I'm trying to make here is the fact that our situations differ throughout life, and depending on one's circumstances, the various components in our lives can combine to create a massive and unquenchable blaze. And as much as that conflagration can be terribly large in reality, its size is nothing when compared with its effect emotionally and psychologically. The way in which each of us tackles life is different, and each of us has a breaking point at which life's situations simply seem insurmountable - where the fire is so big we don't know where to start.

Part of the science behind conflagration is due to its size. When a fire is that large, there is an immense amount of heat that rises, and as a result, a large amount of cool air rushes in, giving the fire all the air it needs to sustain itself as long as fuel is available, and continue to grow on top of that. Somehow, life seems to be able to work the same way. Life's experiences can become so difficult and complex that it's all we can do to keep the fire at the same size - let alone make it smaller. And that's assuming we feel strong enough to be in a position to even hold it back.

During my life, and even more so in the past few years, I have seen people that face emotional and psychological conflagrations that are beyond measure. For example: dealing with racism, being gay, depression and suicidal thoughts, pornography, homelessness, divorce and loss of children, religious doubts, losing a loved one - and I know this is from a limited view of a 24-year old kid living in Utah, but from that limited experience, I can say that the psychological and emotional conflagrations these individuals face are no less threatening, damaging, or fearful as the various wildfires that have been ravaging the state over the last couple summers. And I don't say that lightly.

Life is hecka complex sometimes, I can say that from experience. But the biggest challenge, the scariest thing, the largest conflagration...is facing it alone. I know fires are scary. I know sometimes other people's fires can seem so scary or different that we don't even want to deal with them. We wouldn't know how to deal with them ourselves. I know we don't have all the answers. I know we don't know how to put out other people's fires. Heck, half the the time we don't even know how to put out our own fires!

I'm not asking for you to tackle other people's problems - you're not meant to. It's not your life. Everyone has to tackle their own fires. But it makes a world of difference for people with situations different than yours to feel understood and loved. So next time you meet someone with a different fire than you, don't panic. Seek to understand their flame, and love them for the candle they still hold inside themselves - and I believe both of you will walk away stronger.

I don't believe people should get points for doing - I believe they should get points for being.

America, the Beautiful?

A poem! I wrote this a while ago, but it's still a good one.

Is it late? Super late. Is it out of the season of the holiday? Yeah - but just enough that I can still squeeze it in. Happy 4th and 24th of July, everyone. And remember what it means to be an American. It's a priceless gift, and a treasure that we should stop and consider how grateful we are to have. And in thinking of this, remember those that don't have this blessing. 'Merica, y'all.

America, The Beautiful?

Michael Dressman

A battle scene,
A terrible war.
Does this seem familiar?
Has it happened before?
In the midst of the battle,
both sides losing ground;
At the same time, on each side,
a man is hit down.
One from America, the other Pakistan,
each one of them drafted to fight for their land.
The age of them both?
Roughly 17.
And to think they just wanted
to keep themselves clean.
In this 3rd World War
all alliances are gone.
It's free-for-all battle,
every soldier a pawn.

Night falls,
and the battle postpones for a while,
But all of the soldiers are lost in their bile.
From memories of partners, of real good pals,
who used to be there, but aren't there now.
The coughing and wheezing, it comes from all sides,
where down in this wasteland, most everyone dies.

Now during this evening both boys are in pain,
but each faintly hears each other as the night wanes.
By morning both of them sit back-to-back,
helping each other to get back on track.
They pretend to be dead with the battle begins,
knowing the fat that awaits them if seen.
Night falls again, yet neither side wins.
The boys, best friends they are now, each other's wounds they clean.
But the next morning a general spots them there,
before their remedy to escape this despair.
"Up boys, fight boys, over is the night!"
But they can't even stand, let alone join the fight.
As the general examines each boy closer,
he sees each a traitor and no act is grosser.

Night falls once more, this battle wears thin,
but neither of the boys hears news of this win.
Both of them lay in a great carcass pile,
brutally beaten and scarred, no trials.
Because of the kindness they showed today,
both were accused as traitors and lie dead in the fray.

War does strange things to men;
Sends them against their own brothers and friends.
In this God-given country, please let us say,
"This is America. Can we have peace today?"

Contemplate

Contemplate
Michael Dressman
It kinda starts like this:

Originate
Immaculate
Complicate
High stress rate
Infiltrate
Permeate
Can't relate
Agitate
Insinuate
Proliferate
Insinuate
Can't see straight
Anticipate
Obsfucate
Triplicate
Desperate

Isolate
Instigate
Separate
Exacerbate
Salivate
Take the bait
Inundate
Satiate
***
***

Sigh...

Implicate
Interrogate
Perpetuate
Incriminate
Depreciate
Invalidate
Desolate
Desecrate
Reprobate
Second-rate
Worthless, mate
Denigrate
Self-berate
Commiserate
Overrate
Underrate
Eliminate
Obliterate
Eviscerate
HATE

Rinse and repeat
(A couple hundred times)
For example:

Originate, Complicate, Immaculate, etc.
Isolate, Instigate, Separate, etc.
Implicate, Incriminate, Interrogate, etc.
WAIT!

Contemplate.
Meditate.
Prostrate.
Appreciate.
Educate.
Elevate.
Clean the slate.
Inoculate.
Exterminate.
Eradicate.
Consecrate.
Renovate.
Imitate.
Participate.
Cooperate.
Emulate.
Integrate.
Coordinate.
Emanate.
Innovate.
Up to fate.
Hope it's great.

And...

Smile.

It Was MY Mom

So, I know this a little late, but this is important. Like, really important.

Happy Mother's Day, Mum. I love you so much, and words can't describe how deep that goes. In a world where it's really hard to know who really loves you and who doesn't, it means a lot to know that you do - and I have never doubted your love. You have put in countless hours doing pretty much every sort of thing for me, and even if I spent the rest of my life working, I don't think it would come even close to paying you back for everything you've done, do, and will do for me. And I can say that with absolute certainty, without seeming selfish, because I know that's who you are - you love us, and you will always show that love in the best ways you can.

Ha. I can't even claim my personal stuff. I know that, as hard as my problems are, you probably worry about them just as much as I do - and that's a pretty incredible feat when you've still got four other kids to do that for, and to still have as much love to dole out as you do...well, it's nothing short of incredible. I know that some of my "baggage", as we'll put it, it something that a very large amount of mothers don't have to deal with, and there are even fewer instructions for it than the 0% you already have for motherhood - but you've handled beautifully, and that is a large part of what makes your love that much more poignant.

So Mum, the best way that I can really think to pay you back is this - listening. Life is really hard sometimes, and I don't have the answers (not by a long shot), but I do know that I've been taught good principles, and regardless of where life takes me or what choices I make, I want you to know that I'm going to do what I can (even though I may fail) to be a son that you'll be proud of - one that makes you happy. I can promise you, I won't be perfect, but I'm going to do what I can.

I love you, Mum.

Michael

And because it wouldn't be me if I didn't include it, here's Kid President's Muthah's Day to ya, and another honorable mention for a Mother's Day video.

Want to Change the World?

I like April. It's a pretty cool month. It's the month that I really associate with spring (even though it doesn't feel like it sometimes in Utah), the month that one of my awesome brothers has his birthday, the month that National Pretzel Day is on, etc. But there's something about this month that I think is special, and it's because I'm making it special.

It's a goal of mine to make each month of the year meaningful for me in a special way that allows me to really get in touch with a deeper part of myself: something that really makes me who I am. So far, I've got August down and maybe February. This year, I've found something that I'd like to start doing every April. You're probably heard of it before. It's called Paying it Forward.

The last Thursday in April (in this year's case, on April 24th) is Pay it Forward Day, based on the book and the film of the same name. In honor of my first Pay it Forward Day, I bought the book and read it earlier this month. It's great. Essentially, the idea is that you choose three people that you care about, and do something special for them. Something that they couldn't necessarily do for themselves. Then, instead of paying you back, you encourage those you help to "pay it forward" to three other people in turn, and the cycle continues.

One of the first criticisms that easily comes to mind is that of selfishness - that people won't actually pay it forward. It's so easy to say something, but it's another entirely to do it. The argument is valid - but should that stop us from trying? So what if it doesn't work?

And what if it does?

Can you imagine a world where people have spent so much time "paying people forward" that it just becomes a habit to help people wherever we go? Who wouldn't want a world like that?

"But life is so busy," you say, "And how am I supposed to find the energy to help someone else when I barely have enough energy to work on my own issues?" That's a valid point, too. Life's been pretty stressful for me lately, trust me. But sometimes, giving that last little bit of energy to someone we care about it the perfect way to get twice the energy back. And I believe that it doesn't take someone who knows all the answers to make a difference - it just takes someone who cares.

Still not convinced? Watch this TED video about why it's actually in our own best interest to help those around us.

Need ideas? Here are some I pulled from the site:

- At a drive through, pay for the car behind's meal.

- If it's raining give your umbrella to someone who does not have one.

- Tell the manager of of a restaurant how great your waiter/waitress was (or tell the person directly!).

- Give a homeless person lunch (and a genuine conversation).

- Drive an older person in the neighborhood to the grocery store.

- Be a mentor for someone who needs some support.

What are some things you can think of doing for Pay it Forward Day? Post them in the comments below!

Paying it Forward doesn't have to be done just on one day. Ideally, it's something that can be done every day. And it doesn't necessarily have to be done to specifically three people. Maybe one's all you can handle right now. Maybe you want to do more. That's great! The point is, no matter how big or how small, you're making a difference. So, this month, I encourage you to Pay it Forward. And you'll be surprised how fast Paying it Forward brings it back to you.