My Daddy Dances

My dad's birthday was yesterday, and I've been meaning to write this post for a couple years now, but just haven't gotten around to it. I wrote a post for my mom a few years back, and knew I wanted to write one to my dad as well, but I really struggled in trying to find the best way to capture the feelings I have toward my father and the most appropriate homage to him.

I was introduced to this music video not shortly after that time, and I immediately knew the format I wanted to take.

This music video brings me to tears every time I watch it. Seriously. There is something represented here that resonates with a very particular piece of my heart. Initially, I don't think I saw anything here other than the unique dancing, but in looking up the translation of the lyrics, I've found multiple sources that delve into the meaning behind the song. It's been said that the lyrics and depiction behind the music video are representative of Stromae's loss of his father in the Rwandan Genocide, but it's also mentioned that his father also left his family to start a second family elsewhere, making his physical loss less of a tragedy than the initial abandonment.

I don't pretend to know all the nuances behind the art of this song and music video, but its depiction is soulful and moving for me because of how it makes me think of the development of my relationship with my father, and what it has evolved into.

Anyone who knows both me and my dad can say that we are completely different people. I take a passion in music and arts, and have a particular talent for both. Sports are definitely not my forté (as evidenced by my using a musical term to describe how bad I am at them), and I tend to be more hesitant to leave my comfort zone, but rather love to engage in deep conversations with those I love. By contrast, my dad's not really a talker, loves sports, and is always reaching out to learn new things. Even in conversations we have with each other, we joke that I got all my mom's genes except for the ones that make me look like him. Even now, I can almost guarantee that when my dad watches this music video, he will wonder (maybe even aloud), "What on earth am I watching right now?"

Growing up, my dad and I didn't really get along. That's not to say we fought - we didn't. I'm not a fighter. But I think he was somewhat disappointed in the oldest son he got, and I felt misunderstood and disconnected sometimes. That's not to say he didn't love me (because he absolutely did and does), we were just so different he didn't quite know how to connect when his passions and interests were next to nothing for me. If you'd asked me then, I would probably have told you I felt exactly like the child in this video.

I won't go into all the details, since they're personal and unnecessary to this narrative, but in the last five to six years or so, there's been a distinct change in my relationship with my dad. That's not to say that suddenly we're much more similar than we were - but there's a bridge where there used to be a wall.

I watch this video, and firstly I see the child I was, frustrated I had a father that was there and provided the instruction to grow, but didn't connect with me on my level. However, I cry because of what I see now. I see a dad that asks me about my interests, and takes a genuine interest in what I'm passionate about even if he's not. I see a dad that listens to showtunes because they remind him of me. I see a dad that will talk with me for hours, even if that's not something he does with anyone else. I see a dad who will sometimes just listen. And because he's still my dad, I see a dad who still makes cheesy jokes that make me groan. I see a dad who sends me books like every other month about something that has helped him grow or something that he believes will help me grow with things that affect me specifically. Sometimes they help. Sometimes they don't. But they show he cares.

I would be proud to grow up to be the kind of man my dad is. Because even though he does it different than I do, my daddy dances. And he dances with me.

America, the Beautiful?

A poem! I wrote this a while ago, but it's still a good one.

Is it late? Super late. Is it out of the season of the holiday? Yeah - but just enough that I can still squeeze it in. Happy 4th and 24th of July, everyone. And remember what it means to be an American. It's a priceless gift, and a treasure that we should stop and consider how grateful we are to have. And in thinking of this, remember those that don't have this blessing. 'Merica, y'all.

America, The Beautiful?

Michael Dressman

A battle scene,
A terrible war.
Does this seem familiar?
Has it happened before?
In the midst of the battle,
both sides losing ground;
At the same time, on each side,
a man is hit down.
One from America, the other Pakistan,
each one of them drafted to fight for their land.
The age of them both?
Roughly 17.
And to think they just wanted
to keep themselves clean.
In this 3rd World War
all alliances are gone.
It's free-for-all battle,
every soldier a pawn.

Night falls,
and the battle postpones for a while,
But all of the soldiers are lost in their bile.
From memories of partners, of real good pals,
who used to be there, but aren't there now.
The coughing and wheezing, it comes from all sides,
where down in this wasteland, most everyone dies.

Now during this evening both boys are in pain,
but each faintly hears each other as the night wanes.
By morning both of them sit back-to-back,
helping each other to get back on track.
They pretend to be dead with the battle begins,
knowing the fat that awaits them if seen.
Night falls again, yet neither side wins.
The boys, best friends they are now, each other's wounds they clean.
But the next morning a general spots them there,
before their remedy to escape this despair.
"Up boys, fight boys, over is the night!"
But they can't even stand, let alone join the fight.
As the general examines each boy closer,
he sees each a traitor and no act is grosser.

Night falls once more, this battle wears thin,
but neither of the boys hears news of this win.
Both of them lay in a great carcass pile,
brutally beaten and scarred, no trials.
Because of the kindness they showed today,
both were accused as traitors and lie dead in the fray.

War does strange things to men;
Sends them against their own brothers and friends.
In this God-given country, please let us say,
"This is America. Can we have peace today?"

Contemplate

Contemplate
Michael Dressman
It kinda starts like this:

Originate
Immaculate
Complicate
High stress rate
Infiltrate
Permeate
Can't relate
Agitate
Insinuate
Proliferate
Insinuate
Can't see straight
Anticipate
Obsfucate
Triplicate
Desperate

Isolate
Instigate
Separate
Exacerbate
Salivate
Take the bait
Inundate
Satiate
***
***

Sigh...

Implicate
Interrogate
Perpetuate
Incriminate
Depreciate
Invalidate
Desolate
Desecrate
Reprobate
Second-rate
Worthless, mate
Denigrate
Self-berate
Commiserate
Overrate
Underrate
Eliminate
Obliterate
Eviscerate
HATE

Rinse and repeat
(A couple hundred times)
For example:

Originate, Complicate, Immaculate, etc.
Isolate, Instigate, Separate, etc.
Implicate, Incriminate, Interrogate, etc.
WAIT!

Contemplate.
Meditate.
Prostrate.
Appreciate.
Educate.
Elevate.
Clean the slate.
Inoculate.
Exterminate.
Eradicate.
Consecrate.
Renovate.
Imitate.
Participate.
Cooperate.
Emulate.
Integrate.
Coordinate.
Emanate.
Innovate.
Up to fate.
Hope it's great.

And...

Smile.

The Best Birthday Present

For my birthday last year, a number of my closest friends from college and I went to see the film "Les Miserables", which I had not yet seen at that time. I thought the film itself was incredible, but part of what made that experience so memorable as a birthday present was just being able to have all of my closest friends around me and realize how much we all cared about each other mutually, and as I drank in all of the feelings of that moment, I realized the best birthday presents that I have received (and continue to receive) are experiences rather than objects, such as the one above.

That being said, there is one birthday present that I get every year that is partially an object, but very much of an experience. This present is actually one that I give to myself. In the article that I posted on Facebook a few days ago, it discusses the story of a twelve-year-old girl who had written a letter to herself, and it actually went viral when her parents posted it on Facebook when opening it after she unexpectedly passed away. I find this concept is brilliantly illustrated in the movie below from SoulPancake. For those who have not heard of SoulPancake, to put it briefly, it is an organization decided to helping people, "Be more awesome!"

Now, as much as I'd like to, there's not really a way that I can send letters from my current self back to the past (unless SoulPancake has some groundbreaking science secrets to tell us). However, I can write letters to myself in the future - and I do. Going on about three years now, it's become a birthday tradition for me to take some time on or around my birthday (and if nothing else, at least the month of January) to read the letter that I wrote to myself the year prior, and then sit down and write a letter to my future self. 

This has actually become a very beautiful personal, motivational, inspirational, and even spiritual experience, both in reading my past letters and writing future letters. I usually try to keep my letters to one to two pages, and it's interesting how much thought I end up putting into making sure that I convey the most important information to myself about what has happened over the past year and what advice my "future me" will need at his point in life. It becomes a reflection of the most important parts of the past year, as well as look forward into what advice or support I may need in the coming year(s), and in that sense, it becomes not only an object, but an experience as well - an experience of remembering everything I have, everything I've done, and everything I am.

Below I've included some of the gems that I've gotten from reading the letters from some of my "past selves", which, although they haven't necessarily been extremely profound in the entirety of the world's sphere, I've found they've somehow been just what I need when I open and read them. The dates that I've written next to the comments are the year in which the letter was written and the year that I would have first opened it, respectively.

(2011-2012)

• "I know that I can be whatever I tell myself I am - whether it be positive or negative."
• "I learned...that you don't have to be perfect to love or be loved by someone...that to be a teacher is to learn..."
• "...don't forget about your family, leaders, and friends who are there to help you - talk with them!"
• "Most important of all, remember I love you!"

(2012-2013)

• "...your true friends are those who love you for who you are...don't let them get away."
• "Rejoice in yourself - you may be very different...but...your difference is a good difference..."
• "Don't back down - when things get harder, that's even more of a sign that you have to step it up - and you can - and you will."
• "You have tremendous inner strength - more than you know..."
• "Michael, I love you."

(2013-2014)

• " Is today the best day of your life?"
• "Just stay with me."
• "...realize that you are not 'the only one'..."
• "Do you realize the power of your example?"
• "This isn't a prize to be won, it's a race to be run..."
• "Today is a great day - and tomorrow will only be better."
• "I love you."

There is one thing that always seems to be included in my letters, and I feel like it was included in all the letters people wrote to themselves in the video above. "I love you." In the long run, I have a really hard time loving myself, and generally, tend to just tolerate myself from day to day. Whether it's the world that tells us these messages or something inside of ourselves, I think all of us have a hard time really loving ourselves, to some extent. And that's something that we need to remind ourselves of more often. Part of what makes me really love these letters is that they remind me (both intellectually and emotionally) that I do love myself, and that's the best birthday present I could ever get.

So what will you do to remind "future you" to love himself/herself? I hope you think about that, because it's important, and if you'd like, feel free to comment below. I'd love to hear it!