So, I know this a little late, but this is important. Like, really important.
Happy Mother's Day, Mum. I love you so much, and words can't describe how deep that goes. In a world where it's really hard to know who really loves you and who doesn't, it means a lot to know that you do - and I have never doubted your love. You have put in countless hours doing pretty much every sort of thing for me, and even if I spent the rest of my life working, I don't think it would come even close to paying you back for everything you've done, do, and will do for me. And I can say that with absolute certainty, without seeming selfish, because I know that's who you are - you love us, and you will always show that love in the best ways you can.
Ha. I can't even claim my personal stuff. I know that, as hard as my problems are, you probably worry about them just as much as I do - and that's a pretty incredible feat when you've still got four other kids to do that for, and to still have as much love to dole out as you do...well, it's nothing short of incredible. I know that some of my "baggage", as we'll put it, it something that a very large amount of mothers don't have to deal with, and there are even fewer instructions for it than the 0% you already have for motherhood - but you've handled beautifully, and that is a large part of what makes your love that much more poignant.
So Mum, the best way that I can really think to pay you back is this - listening. Life is really hard sometimes, and I don't have the answers (not by a long shot), but I do know that I've been taught good principles, and regardless of where life takes me or what choices I make, I want you to know that I'm going to do what I can (even though I may fail) to be a son that you'll be proud of - one that makes you happy. I can promise you, I won't be perfect, but I'm going to do what I can.
I like April. It's a pretty cool month. It's the month that I really associate with spring (even though it doesn't feel like it sometimes in Utah), the month that one of my awesome brothers has his birthday, the month that National Pretzel Day is on, etc. But there's something about this month that I think is special, and it's because I'm making it special.
It's a goal of mine to make each month of the year meaningful for me in a special way that allows me to really get in touch with a deeper part of myself: something that really makes me who I am. So far, I've got August down and maybe February. This year, I've found something that I'd like to start doing every April. You're probably heard of it before. It's called Paying it Forward.
The last Thursday in April (in this year's case, on April 24th) is Pay it Forward Day, based on the book and the film of the same name. In honor of my first Pay it Forward Day, I bought the book and read it earlier this month. It's great. Essentially, the idea is that you choose three people that you care about, and do something special for them. Something that they couldn't necessarily do for themselves. Then, instead of paying you back, you encourage those you help to "pay it forward" to three other people in turn, and the cycle continues.
One of the first criticisms that easily comes to mind is that of selfishness - that people won't actually pay it forward. It's so easy to say something, but it's another entirely to do it. The argument is valid - but should that stop us from trying? So what if it doesn't work?
And what if it does?
Can you imagine a world where people have spent so much time "paying people forward" that it just becomes a habit to help people wherever we go? Who wouldn't want a world like that?
"But life is so busy," you say, "And how am I supposed to find the energy to help someone else when I barely have enough energy to work on my own issues?" That's a valid point, too. Life's been pretty stressful for me lately, trust me. But sometimes, giving that last little bit of energy to someone we care about it the perfect way to get twice the energy back. And I believe that it doesn't take someone who knows all the answers to make a difference - it just takes someone who cares.
Still not convinced? Watch this TED video about why it's actually in our own best interest to help those around us.
- At a drive through, pay for the car behind's meal.
- If it's raining give your umbrella to someone who does not have one.
- Tell the manager of of a restaurant how great your waiter/waitress was (or tell the person directly!).
- Give a homeless person lunch (and a genuine conversation).
- Drive an older person in the neighborhood to the grocery store.
- Be a mentor for someone who needs some support.
What are some things you can think of doing for Pay it Forward Day? Post them in the comments below!
Paying it Forward doesn't have to be done just on one day. Ideally, it's something that can be done every day. And it doesn't necessarily have to be done to specifically three people. Maybe one's all you can handle right now. Maybe you want to do more. That's great! The point is, no matter how big or how small, you're making a difference. So, this month, I encourage you to Pay it Forward. And you'll be surprised how fast Paying it Forward brings it back to you.
I understand this may be just another fan letter from your point of view, and that's cool. I mean, I would obviously be really excited if you saw and/or responded to this, but that's not why I am writing this. I doubt I'm your biggest fan. I don't own any of your albums. I've never been to one of your shows. I wasn't obsessed with you before you became "big". Until a while ago, I didn't even like you on Facebook (I know, right?!)! So I'ma speak on grounds I have the basis to be on.
Thank you - for you powerful music and your inspirational lyrics. There are a number of your songs that help me in just the right moments when I need them. More than that, even, thank you for who you are. Granted, this is only what I've seen from your videos and heard from your music - but I'd like to think that still shows the real you (music especially). That means a lot - to me and other fans as well, I'm sure. In a world where most of the media isn't real, and superficiality is the only thing we ever see, it's wonderful to see someone so beautifully genuine. I mean duh, you're gorgeous, but it's a gorgeous on the outside and inside. Sure, the critics can say the same thing, but they're there to talk about you professionally - we can see the difference between real singers and real people. And from what I've seen, Sara Bareilles, you are both. From a world that seems really fake and tells the world that's the only way to live, thanks for giving me permission to be real.
Thanks for teaching me to be brave. Sometimes life just plain sucks, and I'm hurt, and I pretend to be okay. I'm one of those people - the kind that shells up and paints a smile on. It's a good reminder that I've got to be brave and speak up about myself sometimes, even if it's hard. And maybe this letter is a step in that direction, learning to show "how big [my] brave is." (See how cool I'm getting? I even quoted you. Snap.)
Thanks most of all for being you. From your videos, I know you were worried about everything coming out right in this new album - in a way that was very you. At least from what I feel, you nailed it. :) But really. And it motivates me to be me. All the blessed unrest that is me - whether it's hardcore fangirling in the line at Wendy's when a song of yours comes on the radio, feeling at home playing the piano, crying on my bedroom floor for hours because I just can't handle life that day, making stupid faces every time my Dad takes a family picture, or just enjoying me and all my crazy friends. And letting myself be okay with that - because I'm being me.
Since you said it better, I'll let you read the quote you found:
Thank you, Sara Bareilles. Thank you for being beautifully real. Thank you for being so publicly brave. Thank you for being so unabashedly you. And thanks for helping me do the same, in my own little awkward way.
Love,
One of the satellites
P.S. I thought about asking you to change the locks on your house like you did to Rashida Jones, but I thought that might be a little creepy - so I decided not to. :)
To see the fan post my brother did about OK GO - click here. But just know, it's not as good as mine. ;)
I did write a post for this month - really. For personal reasons, I'm not going to post it for the time being. Life has been pretty...vicissitudinal...lately. So it's not a word - it's the root that matters. Point is, I've been engaging life so much that I needed to take a little bit of a hiatus from blogging this month. I plan to have something for next month, but know that things are happening in this brain and life of mine.
For my birthday last year, a number of my closest friends from college and I went to see the film "Les Miserables", which I had not yet seen at that time. I thought the film itself was incredible, but part of what made that experience so memorable as a birthday present was just being able to have all of my closest friends around me and realize how much we all cared about each other mutually, and as I drank in all of the feelings of that moment, I realized the best birthday presents that I have received (and continue to receive) are experiences rather than objects, such as the one above.
That being said, there is one birthday present that I get every year that is partially an object, but very much of an experience. This present is actually one that I give to myself. In the article that I posted on Facebook a few days ago, it discusses the story of a twelve-year-old girl who had written a letter to herself, and it actually went viral when her parents posted it on Facebook when opening it after she unexpectedly passed away. I find this concept is brilliantly illustrated in the movie below from SoulPancake. For those who have not heard of SoulPancake, to put it briefly, it is an organization decided to helping people, "Be more awesome!"
Now, as much as I'd like to, there's not really a way that I can send letters from my current self back to the past (unless SoulPancake has some groundbreaking science secrets to tell us). However, I can write letters to myself in the future - and I do. Going on about three years now, it's become a birthday tradition for me to take some time on or around my birthday (and if nothing else, at least the month of January) to read the letter that I wrote to myself the year prior, and then sit down and write a letter to my future self.
This has actually become a very beautiful personal, motivational, inspirational, and even spiritual experience, both in reading my past letters and writing future letters. I usually try to keep my letters to one to two pages, and it's interesting how much thought I end up putting into making sure that I convey the most important information to myself about what has happened over the past year and what advice my "future me" will need at his point in life. It becomes a reflection of the most important parts of the past year, as well as look forward into what advice or support I may need in the coming year(s), and in that sense, it becomes not only an object, but an experience as well - an experience of remembering everything I have, everything I've done, and everything I am.
Below I've included some of the gems that I've gotten from reading the letters from some of my "past selves", which, although they haven't necessarily been extremely profound in the entirety of the world's sphere, I've found they've somehow been just what I need when I open and read them. The dates that I've written next to the comments are the year in which the letter was written and the year that I would have first opened it, respectively.
(2011-2012)
"I know that I can be whatever I tell myself I am - whether it be positive or negative."
"I learned...that you don't have to be perfect to love or be loved by someone...that to be a teacher is to learn..."
"...don't forget about your family, leaders, and friends who are there to help you - talk with them!"
"Most important of all, remember I love you!"
(2012-2013)
"...your true friends are those who love you for who you are...don't let them get away."
"Rejoice in yourself - you may be very different...but...your difference is a good difference..."
"Don't back down - when things get harder, that's even more of a sign that you have to step it up - and you can - and you will."
"You have tremendous inner strength - more than you know..."
"Michael, I love you."
(2013-2014)
" Is today the best day of your life?"
"Just stay with me."
"...realize that you are not 'the only one'..."
"Do you realize the power of your example?"
"This isn't a prize to be won, it's a race to be run..."
"Today is a great day - and tomorrow will only be better."
"I love you."
There is one thing that always seems to be included in my letters, and I feel like it was included in all the letters people wrote to themselves in the video above. "I love you." In the long run, I have a really hard time loving myself, and generally, tend to just tolerate myself from day to day. Whether it's the world that tells us these messages or something inside of ourselves, I think all of us have a hard time really loving ourselves, to some extent. And that's something that we need to remind ourselves of more often. Part of what makes me really love these letters is that they remind me (both intellectually and emotionally) that I do love myself, and that's the best birthday present I could ever get.
So what will you do to remind "future you" to love himself/herself? I hope you think about that, because it's important, and if you'd like, feel free to comment below. I'd love to hear it!
