Obsession

This is mostly an extension of my last post, but this tends to happen a lot. The reason I'm writing it is because it's happening again, and it's always oddly really strong, so I thought I'd explain it a little bit.

Usually after I get a new best friend or make a really strong role model, I start obsessing about them. And this isn't a mild obsession, this is like the stalker-creepy obsession, only with the exception of making it public-well, until now. I start connecting everything that I've ever known with that person-foods and smells that make me think of them, events that remind me of them, there are even clothes or behaviors that start reminding me of that person.

To try and save myself from the image of a creepy stalker (which I am not), let me just say that I have no idea why I do this. It's not as if it's a conscious decision, but rather something that my subconscious compels me to do, like it's something that is a drive inside me to satiate the emptiness I start feeling when I'm around them.

Okay, well that didn't turn out as well as I had planned. Now instead of sounding stalker-creepy, I sound like I'm possessed or have a mental disorder. Well people, I promise I have nothing of the sort. I have all my metal facilities, and the last time I checked, I'm not being controlled-I'm completely normal...mostly.

"Click"

Do you ever have those times when you meet someone, and you just happen to "click", so to speak? Good, I thought you did. Well, today my story is about a really unusual and unexpected "click".

So basically I go to visit the high school over the Thanksgiving break to see my friends, and there is a new sophomore sitting with them. Naturally, I introduce myself, and the only thing I find out there was this kid's name, which I will refrain from exposing for anonymity. Anyway, then I went back to college for the final two and a half weeks of the semester before I returned. As I was sitting there, I saw said child's profile picture and made him my friend. Looking at his profile, I had a sudden impression. Marcus* is going to be a really good friend of mine. I thought. And for me, it was more than that, because I have this thing where there are certain people who simply "click" more than others...it's more than a friend relationship. Don't ask me to explain, because I can't. I've tried to do it before, and people end up thinking I'm really weird.

I digress. So back at the ranch/ meanwhile/ whatever you want to put there, I wrote on Marcus's* wall. I didn't want to be all stalker-like or creepy, so I left it up for him to reply, but basically I said that I was interested in visiting with him. He replied back and said he didn't have a problem with it. The next day, we ended up having an hour long chat session on Facebook about nothing in particular. I was feeling particularly giddy that day. My suspicions had been mostly confirmed, seeing as how Marcus* and I had almost the exact same views on everything. We both decided we had to meet again in person and talk, because I wanted to see if he acted the same way in real life, because often online and real life are completely different.

I go to the Lone Peak Big Band Dance and we meet again. Needless to say, we visit again-only face-to-face. This was very fulfilling. I asked him some of my "harder" questions...and he responded in a way that only certain people can. Let's just say that some of my questions are ones that would leave almost anyone saying, "And? Where's the question part?" but he didn't do this.

Anyway, to prevent further rambling, let's just leave it at this. I am very happy, and I think I've just made a new best friend. Also, Merry Christmas and all that crap.

* Name has been changed. Yeah, I know it's a retarded one, but it was the first one that popped into my head that wasn't actually the kid's name.

The 3 Descriptions

This post is actually one that is continued from my last post, "Descriptions and Diversity". I have been thinking about this for some time, and I have thought of the three words that describe me best. I have obviously come a long way since I have been in high school. The words that I have come up with are much more abstract than the things that most junior high students, maybe even high school students, would think of, hence, I will explain as I go. I would encourage anyone who reads this to write this in their blog, as it is a refreshing point of view to regain, but this is a suggestion, not a command. The words I would use to describe myself now are "combined", "disconnected", and "contradictory". Don't worry, I'll explain.

First of all, I am "combined". Although I tend to be a little leery of relationships at first, aka "shy", once I get to know someone, I can easily relate to a lot of different things. I like to consider myself open-minded, so I am able to sympathize and work with people very easily. I am not one who gets mad...at all, really. I am simply one who can take a little portion of everyone in the world and relate to it.

Second, "disconnected". This one is more difficult to describe. It makes perfect sense to me, but I assume that most others won't understand it. This has two aspects. First of all, I watch the world continuously from a distance. I find everyday events mundane and pointless, and I constantly feel like I am suffocating, needing something more to satiate me. While I still participate in the world's activities, the mood strikes me suddenly and I can't focus on anything but the need to fulfill myself. The second part of this is much harder to describe (as if the first part wasn't). I am...apathetic, for lack of a better word. I can watch the events going on around me and be completely unaffected, as if I can choose what will control my life and what won't...that's about the best you're going to get out of that one, sorry.

Obviously, as you can already tell, the last description is "conflicting". From the two points above, that is already evident. What things are more opposite that being able to see everyone's side and at the same time distance yourself from them? I tend to do this a lot. For example, I hate the winter...and I am well aware hate is a strong word-it fits. However, there are times (even in the middle of the summer) when I have winter pangs, feeling like there is a part of me that needs winter. This is only one example. The list could go on and on, but at this point, there isn't much more I can do to explain what I already have tried my best at. Therefore, you have now read my own evaluation of the way I am-in three words.

Description and Diversity

You all remember those times back in elementary school were you had a week where you had to make a poster about yourself, telling about your likes and dislikes, some pictures from your life, etc. You do? Good. Then you remember the part where you also had to describe yourself in three words. Back then, our minds were so limited, the best answers you got out of anyone would be "Smart, Funny," and something about that person's stuff, like "Has Cool Toys" or "Has Pretty Hair".

Then junior high ran around. Most people were so confused and trying to find themselves they didn't know what to write on the questionnaires the teachers handed out at the beginning of the year, so often the answers would be similarly juvenile. "Smart" often found a place in the mix, but there were slightly more mature answers, like "Dedicated" or "Neat-freak", but although more descriptive, they essentially meant the same thing-kids were still searching for themselves. Sometimes you would get a very...ambitious (for lack of a better word) person here and there who would write their supposed career or some other description, like "Future Doctor" or a quality needed for a certain job, like "Hardworking" or "Really Strong".

Once we reached high school, the papers handed out by the teacher usually disappeared, and no one had to worry about the "3 Descriptions" part. Oddly enough, the students ended up doing this to each other, and even worse, they ended up reverting almost back to the elementary school level, classifying everyone by their basest attributes, like "The Jocks", "The Preps", "The Brainiacs", "Band Geeks", etc.

Anyway, now I have been thinking about that here (at college) most people don't classify each other at all, just because everyone is so different it wouldn't really make any sense. I realize now that it didn't make any sense all along...well, except maybe in elementary school when you learned how to do this...but human nature took it too far. I think we need to realize diversity is not something to be afraid of-but loved. We are all so different, there's no need to criticize each other's faults when we have so much we can learn from each other.

Stay tuned next post for when Dressman posts his self-evaluating college version of "The 3 Descriptions"!...

Goal Setting

I'm a winner! Okay, now to explain. For those of you who haven't read my last post, last month I decided to do National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo.For those of you who want to see the official website, click on the hyperlink in my last post. This is a challenge to write (and submit to a website) fifty thousand words in a matter of thirty days. That just sounds like a big number, but once I got started, I had the feeling I would be able to make this amount of words, no problem. For the first couple of days I didn't write anything-I didn't need to. I already had a number of scenes from different dreams I had, random writings I had felt like doing, and other things that related to what I had planned my story to be. I found quickly that was not the way to go about things. That first Saturday of November was spent almost entirely at the computer, trying desperately to catch up to where I was supposed to be to stay on schedule. I found it incredibly difficult to try and manage typing at least 2,000 words per day when I had to worry about other things like schoolwork and the social life I try so desperately to retain (even though I had warned many people about the coming hermitage that I would be sticking myself into). Thanksgiving weekend was even more difficult, seeing as I spent most of my time visiting relatives that I hadn't seen in about a year. I was hopelessly behind by the last day of November (hey, can you blame me? If you loved your family as much as I did, you would be, too). But lo and behold, I was able to complete my 50,000 words by midnight on November 30, hence, I'm a winner!

There were so many people who, when I told them I had won (and these were the ones that knew about NaNo) the first thing they asked was, "What did you win?" When I shrugged and told them, "Nothing." They quickly became uninterested and walked away, telling me it wasn't worth anything if I didn't win something that was a tangible prize. Throughout the month, I had similar responses when people asked me what I was doing and I replied that I was writing a story. One of them wouldn't stop bugging me until I told him I had an inkling of a thought to publish it, which afterwards he said, "Good. It wouldn't be worth anything unless you did." Wrong. Completely wrong. I don't understand that mentality-people who only do things for a physical reward, or for that matter, people who do things for an external reward of any kind. Intrinsic motivation is where a person is motivated to do something of their own free will because they enjoy it. That is why I write. And NaNoWriMo has been one of the most motivating things for me as a writer, because now I know that I can accomplish things. I often get the best story idea ever, only to have it piddle away as I notice the flaws and contradictions that occur. Rarely have I ever gotten more than about three or four pages into the story before I lose interest. With NaNo, however, I have found that I can persevere and complete a goal that I may have, even if I get discouraged, which believe you me, I did a lot last month. I learned that I can do anything that I want to do if I keep myself focused on the goal, and not on the obstacles that inevitably surround them. That, to me, was the biggest thing I learned. That was the reason I did NaNoWriMo, and the reward I found in it was better than any certificate or amount of money could provide.

Oh, I almost forgot! There was one more thing I intended to do, and I almost skipped it. Now that I've finished my story (well, mostly), I would like people to comment on this post on whether they want me to post any portion of it on here or not. If I deem there are enough people/more than about three, then I will post portions of the story that I have written (but only the good parts, because trust me, when you're writing at two in the morning to catch up to a deadline, there are some things that just don't look good). And just EFY, I will give you the title, perhaps just to tantalize more people to post "yes". And if you already did, get as many people as you can to get on here and vote yes, too (just my shameless plug, because I really want to post this, but I'm asking for opinions, too). The title is "Spiders of Salem".