Men's Bathrooms and Sugar Shots

I just returned from a trip that our neighborhood took to Moab. It was so much fun, our neighborhood is so close, it's like we're all just a huge family. One of my next door neighbors and I can always talk together about anything, so we were up most nights until around two in the morning, one night we didn't get to bed until four. I originally intended not to post this, as it reveals many things about me, probably a little more than I would normally feel comfortable with, but this is such an important thing, I have to have other people realize that things like this can and need to be expressed. This is a little long, but it's good and needs to be written.

Emotions are usually either very clear and on-the-sleeve or subtle and hidden. One thing, however, is usually similar of emotions, regardless of what type. They all pierce the deep to the soul. Some hit nearer to the nerves, such as anger or panic, and some push on the heart, like pride and patriotism, but all will touch the mind or the soul, often both. The one emotion I want to discuss is the emotion of missing someone or something.

This is a complicated emotion to deal with. For me, it's always most prominent after leaving a locations where wonderful memories have been or were recently made, or after departing with someone close and dear to me or someone with whom I can connect. There is never simply one word to describe the feeling that occurs. Loneliness is not the right word. I know that I may come back to a place, and if not, there are better places meant to come. I know that I will meet again with these certain people, whether in this life or the next. Loneliness is too broad a term. The feeling is like a hole when I leave, a hole I know is irrational to feel, but still occurs every time, regardless of how hard I try to resist. The only thing I can to is measure the length and width of the hole. Through this I know how much that place or person affected me. Though I write this, and most people understand what feeling I'm covering, I notice, as some other deeper people may, that there is something missing. There is some other portion to missing someone that is hard to explain. It is similar to obsession, but not quite the same thing. You notice things about the place or person next time you meet, the things that make your heart pang as the distance between you increases. I know that something has deeply hit me when I feel it in my heart. People say that the heart is just an organ, all the emotions are experienced in the mind. I agree with this-to a point. I do believe the mind controls most of the emotions, but if I miss someone truly and deeply, I literally feel it in my heart. It is as if the hole has pulled a piece of my heart with it, a piece that belongs to that person now. I feel a physical twist in my chest, not like butterflies, but exactly like a portion of my heart and soul has been permanently given to a person to hold.

This is not at all the direction I was intending to take, but this feeling is so complicated, I almost have to let my mind to the talking for me. Missing someone is partially a hole, partially obsession, and partially Christlike love. If I truly miss someone, it is someone I honestly love, someone I earnestly pray will make it to the next life, someone I want to live with forever. Family, neighbors, and close select friends. It's curious to find the array of people that can grab my heart like this. Sometimes I wonder if one of these people that so connect with me is more than just coincidence, but fate. Perhaps I am meant to come to these people, and they are meant to find me, for whatever reason. Perhaps they will play a vital role in my life, a friend, a future family member, a loyal and friendly soul. Perhaps that is why I miss these particular people so fully and completely.

Three Over, Four Down/"Run!"

I've decided to adapt Hallmark's motto to my blog: only the best. Now that we're off of that random tangent, you get to hear my rambling of the day. [ Inspired by "Heroes" ] By the way, I'm only almost done watching the first season, so don't think I'm completely up-to-date with the newest episode. My roomates had the first season. I started watching last Wednesday...and I'm shamelessly addicted. Anyway, without further ado...

Is it possible for someone to believe in something or to be morally twisted around so completely that they would totally abandon the life they had before or the values they used to embrace? Where we live (or at least, I and the vast majority of these readers live, I assume) here in Utah, it makes us seem invunerable. Most people here declare they will stick to their values and never forsake them, but is it true? Are there situations people are placed in where-try as they might-they would end up losing what they consider their truest virture? I argue yes. Every person, no matter how strong or seemingly invicible, has faults, and once someone finds out what "makes them tick", they have complete access to the controlboard of their mind. When someone is so convinced they are following something right, nothing can-or will-stand in their way. People can be hurt, relationships can be damaged, and innocent victims can even be killed. The person's entire life can become flip-flopped, and they are still convinced they are in the right. So many spew the typical "It won't happen to me!" argument, and it is almost cynically amusing how childishly they believe it. It won't happen to me, you say. Oh, really? Let's just lay your personal Hydra in front of you and see how you manage. People may hold up for some time, but as soon as you find their proverbial "Achilles heel", immediately they are as crippled and crumbled as the Colosseum. Their submission is abrupt and thorough. Think about it, as much as you wish not to. You do know a person this has or will happen to-everyone does. The only difference between these circumstances is how it happens and the intensity of this so called "disease". The only thing we as flawed individuals can do is hope-hope and pray that we are not chosen-chosen to be the next victim, the next sacrifice on the altar, the next slave to our "morals".

Dark of the Moon

Whenever I watch a really good play, one that gets me thinking, I always feel like writing. Now that I have a blog (by the way, I have a blog now!), I can post this out to the world for no other reason other than that I want to. Hooray! So I actually wrote this immediately after seeing this play "Dark of the Moon", yesterday, but I'm posting it now. Sidenote: If you want to know the plot of Dark of the Moon, it's basically a witch boy who turns into a human because he loves a human girl, you can probably find it on the internet if you want to know more. Anyway, here is my first blog post. Celebrate!!!

'I am human, but often consider myself deeper than such. Human nature dictates that all people have deeper feelings within them than they usually show to people, but the problem I've often noticed is that too many people are scared of revealing this. The undiscussed and "taboo" subjects are the ones that people are noticeably uncomfortable talking abou, but so many people don't realize the inexplicable sense of satisfaction and fulfillment that talking about these topics bring. God, love, sex, magic, the devil, eternity, problems, true feelings, these are the kind of things that people don't enjoy talking about. However, once someone gets past these feelings and bears their sould, it is impossible to describe. I have seen souls connect, not just minds, but souls. And fortunately for me, I have experienced this as well. Covering this subject is like describing the Spirit of God or telling people what salt tastes like-there are not words enough to describe those feelings. I suppose my plea to you here is simply to open yourself up more. Do not, by any means, take this the wrong way. This doesn't mean to go and tell someone about all you problems or immediately pour you soul out to just anyone. Find someone you consider a very close friend and start talking about something you are a little bit awkward towards, something out of your comfort zone, say, the afterlife. You'll notice the feeling it brings after you get over how unusual it is, and hopefully you will spread this unknown news to as many people as you can.'