Happiness

I have a great new job-and by new, I mean I have been working there three months. Ha.

The people there are interesting. I don't have bad coworkers by any means, but it's just very interesting the   subject matter they focus on. Like any normal employee, they talk about work at work, but it's when we go on lunch break that the subjects get interesting. When I listen to them, it only makes me realize how much different I am than they.

The first focus is usually sports-this isn't actually all that unusual or interesting, it's guy talk-I just happen not to be interested in that. We'll skip over this topic, as it's more something that just doesn't interest me.

They also talk about business-this is the one that interests me. It seems as if when they are away from work, all their focus is about the newest Apple product they would like to buy, the hottest new car off the market, the latest app they have decided to design, an amazing business scheme that would make them oodles of money, etc. I find this particularly interesting simply because my own interests are so much different that theirs are. The biggest focus of their time is spent on something that, though interesting to them, does nothing for me. Though I think it would be mildly interesting to spend time trying my hand at things like this, it's not at all what I am truly interested in-and in a way, this job has helped me a lot in realizing what I really want to do in life by knowing precisely what I do not want to do.

Do you ever stop and think about the kind of people you most enjoy spending time with? Usually they are people that have the same interests as you do. I admire those people that have the ability to make deals, to build a house, to play sports, to manage a business, or whatever others skills people have. But in the end, that really doesn't interest me. I realize the people that I most enjoy spending time with are those that think, those that dream, and those that feel. As I work at this job, I realize that I could have the highest paying job in the world, in the richest place, with anything I wanted, and I would be miserable.

Personally, I couldn't care less if I never lived in a mansion, if I never traveled out of the country again, if I never met any famous person in my life, if I was never considered famous, or anything of the sort. I've realized, more than anything, the thing that makes me happy is seeing other people happy-and I want to make that a principal part of my life. I've never been happier than when I am helping other people, and that's the thing that I most want to do in life.

The things that matter most to me are not if I have the latest Smartphone, have the fanciest car to drive around (or even if I have a car), have the best job, the best clothes, the best body, or the best skills. I don't care if I am not wealthy, live in the country, am balding, or am not the next contestant on America's Got Talent. What matters to me are the things that really last-the things that I will take with me after this life. The things that matter most are good family relationships, friends that lift me up, choices that help me to be the best I can be, and all the other little things in life. Smiling, dancing in the rain, hiking, spending time alone with myself and God, and serving others is what matters most. What I most want is to help other people realize this-to realize that true happiness is what comes from within us, not from what is around us. 

I choose to major in Psychology. I choose to be a counselor-to help families, marriages, and those who are recovering from addictions. I choose to help people realize what true happiness means. I choose to lead people to God.

This is why.

On Music

My life (or this blog) would never be just without a post on how wonderful music is. There are many things in life that fulfill us, and one that is at the top of my list is music. There are also many things that are so good in life that words don't describe them-music is also at the top of my list there. Suffice it to say that I love music with every fiber of my being, and I can't imagine life without it. If only I could put down in words the feelings I feel through music. Don't worry, though-this post is only the beginning of a continuation. Once I can find the right words, it's totally coming on here.

Walls

You know what are frustrating? Walls...especially that ones that people build up between relationships.

Do you know what's even harder? Walls that are built up on purpose-mutually-between a relationship. I guess in essence I'm just trying to deal with something that feels right and I feel like God wants me to do it-but my vision can't extend beyond today and how hard it is to have someone that once was a best friend seem so close and so far away at the same time. *Sigh*

Change of Belief

I guess I'm really bored this summer or something, but Julia's teaching me colorguard. I think I've always had a little bit more respect for colorguard than most people (even band geeks) have for them, but after trying to do the things I've only watched them do before, I realize it's a lot harder than it looks. I've never had blisters on my hands before, only on my feet-until now. In the last week I've had three blisters magically appear on my hand after throwing all of those tosses. Anyway, I guess the message of this post is just kind of a "don't judge a book by it's cover" post. Just because the experienced people make things look easy doesn't mean they are. In fact, it's usually the opposite, they've just practiced forever.

And just for the record (and also for Eva), I can now throw a double on the flag, and kind of almost throw a double on rifle. I can do a lot on flag, just not parallels. I'm still afraid of them from the last time they attacked me.

Neglect/Rudeness?

Perchance I'm a little overly sensitive. Scratch that. Undoubtedly I'm a little overly sensitive, but perchance I'm oversensitive to others' feelings. For example, when others get in trouble or get their feelings hurt, I almost always feel so bad for them, like it's me that was hurt. I guess, just like a girl in another blog I just read, I'm a "people pleaser". I can't really feel happy unless the ones I care about feel happy. But I also feel like I'm oversensitive about other things as well.

The other day, I was talking to one of my best friends. I was talking to him about how I needed to tell one of our mutual friends (though a better friend on his side than mine) something specific to only him. Yeah, refer to my "Click" post, even though I doubt that will help anything. He then went and talked to said friend, and apparently he thought we (meaning he and I) weren't friends anymore. Sad day! I'll admit, I didn't really talk to him much/ever, but I still personally felt like we were good friends, but it was solely based on one really excellent conversation that we'd had-about two years ago. Honestly, I haven't really talked to him much since then. I guess I shouldn't be that surprised with his opinion, but it makes me disappointed that I thought one way and he the other. Hopefully you understood all/any of that.

I think what makes it more saddening to me is that I don't want anyone to feel like I have "dis-friended" them, just because, again, in elementary school, I didn't have very many friends at all, I and I don't ever want anyone to feel like I'm ignoring them or am not their friend. So I guess, in short, this is a partial apology to that child, and anyone else out there who has ever felt I don't care about them, or even if you're just a normal friend. I promise it's not true. If you're my friend (ever), I'll always consider you my friend, no matter what happens between us. Just know that.